


Have you seen my Brother?

by EquineDork



Series: Angsty vent fics [1]
Category: Starstable
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fear, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, Seizures, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-23 20:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19708399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EquineDork/pseuds/EquineDork
Summary: Jacob tries to solve all his problems by hiding from them.





	1. What even is the time right now?

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I only write stress induced vent fictions now. I enjoy the process though. Have some angsty young adults, feat my new characters Rocco and Lane. Not sure if or when this will be updated but i'd like to finish it if I can.

Frantically was the way the blonde sprinted through the streets of silverglade, rapping her fist on the doors of those she knew, and mutually her little brother, Jacob; Or was he the older one? Neither of them were ever sure. It seemed to be a fact that had been long missing from the minds of their parents, but even so, she would use it as fodder in teasing him during their childhood. 

The sun bore down it’s heavy burning weight in a scorching embrace to Bambi’s fair skin, bringing about a sprinkling of freckles upon her cheeks and shoulders. Her dress didn’t billow in the breeze, for it did not exist. It was an especially warm summer evening, not a cloud in the sky, perfect weather to enjoy yourselves and get a little vitamin D, but one self in particular was absent from the merriment. 

A young man answered the door to a bedraggled Bambi, her natural blonde curls whispered this way and that, especially in places where they weren’t normally known to flow, one strand clung to her cheek, her skin dampened with a light sweat from running around in such a panic. The way she gasped for breath, lungs heaving under that traditional white dress her mother insisted she wear to special events, it said that this wasn’t the first person she begged the question to that very day.

“Have… you seen… my brother…” Bambi rasped desperately- seeming as though she were moments from falling into a heap on the ground. 

Jacob was missing, and as usual, he hadn’t been answering his phone. Jacob rarely touched his smartphone, it was merely a brick of technology he carried around in his pocket, or left in his desk, or his bag at the stables, or his locker, wherever it was right now anyway, Jacob had yet to respond to any of Bambi’s texts or calls for the whole weekend, in fact, she hadn’t heard a thing from him since last monday. It wasn’t uncommon for him to go quiet on her, nor was it often that the two crossed paths these days, but every midsummer at least, it was their little tradition to reunite with each other, even if it was just for an hour or two. 

Every year without fail, they’d never forgotten to come together again. 

“Is he with you Rocco? I know you’ve been hanging out a lot lately… Please please tell me he’s with you.” Bambi began.

Rocco was the same age as Bambi, but stood to be about a headheight taller than her. Though acceptably tall, he was built more like a muffin than a stringbean. Muscular where it mattered, but the pudge from his obsession with baked goods was ever present. His hair was jet black and hung messily over his face, slightly damp, it said that he had recently showered. Concern filled his face when he finally took in the severity in Bambi’s tone.

Clearly there was no time for the ‘long time no see’ jabber- this was serious.  
“Woah, woah, Bambi. Take a breath sweetheart.” He responded in a warm, caring tone. Rocco was generally quite laid-back, but not so much so as to ignore all these red flags that surrounded his friend. 

“He ain’t here, not seen him since last week honestly- is somethin’ the matter?”

He answered her eventually, but it wasn’t the answer she was looking for.

“Oh no, no no no. Rocco. Rocco- this isn’t like him. I know he can be pretty quiet these days, but he hasn’t been answering our mum’s calls either- Dad’s tried, it’s all the same. I think his phone’s dead, or it’s off? or … or he’s just ignoring us… Sure he could be busy, but everywhere I’ve asked, nobody’s seen him-- and nobody’s seen Epona for a couple days either. The stable seems more concerned about the welfare of the horse at the moment-- I mean, I understand that, but … I can't even begin to think where he might be right now-”

Bambi chattered a mile a minute, slurring her speech as adrenaline urged her words out faster than her tongue could keep up. She wiped some clumsy spit from her bottom lip. Rocco would admit that he had never seen her in such an awful state, even over all those years they spent together growing up in the same apartment building in Jorvik city.

“Bambi! Shh. Okay. Calm down, I can’t keep up- I think you’d better come in maybe, I’ll get you some tea-” Rocco started slowly, but his calmness only further fuelled Bambi’s frustration.

“Calm down?! I can't just CALM down!” Bambi spat.

“Bambi! You keelin’ over from a stress induced aneurysm isn’t going to help us find your brother any faster! Just get in here so we can discuss how to tackle this-- Lane’s gonna be back from work any minute, three pairs of eyes are gonna be way better than two right? And just think- surely if he’s with Epona he’ll be easier to track down, you just can’t miss a horse like her.” Rocco soothed the beast, grabbing Bambi by the shoulders and essentially forcing her to come down to the ground- at least for just a moment. 

Bambi had calmed for just enough time to oblige, and she followed him into the home he and Lane shared with a handful of others. 

Meanwhile, a faint buzzing could be heard, a sound that was out of place amongst the sounds of wilderness in mistfall. A cellphone lay against a twig- it’s battery symbol displaying a garish red line beside a worrying number that implied only 13% of its power was remaining. The phone continued to buzz, vibrating in a nest of twigs and leaves. 

56 missed calls from Bambi  
51 missed calls from Mum  
28 missed calls from Father  
3 missed calls from Rocco

Incoming call from Lane.

The buzzing fell silent- only to begin again moments later.

The battery power ticked down to 12%.

The phone lay a mile or two away from it's owners current location. Jacob sat upon a rock, knees pulled in, he slouched, looking reminiscent of some sort of pixie. The mayflies and gnats dotted here and there, the sun rays beaming down through the canopy of foliage from the surrounding trees, coating his form with a glow. Frogs sang their songs, and crickets chirped in the grass. A woodpecker pecked, and a mistfox watched curiously from the bushes. 

As peaceful as he looked, upon closer inspection, he was fatigued and dehydrated. The clothes he wore were riddled with filth, and he probably needed his bed and a shower at some point soon, but still, he remained on the rock as Epona grazed nearby. She too probably wanted to be back in her stable with her apples and her hay, but ever loyal, she followed Jacob wherever he went. A loyal starbreed, though she were of very few words. 

Jacob had never responded well to stress, especially after the accident- it had been a few years now though, and he had been lured into a false sense of security. Some memories had come back to him, his passion for life in the stable was at an all time high, and his life was trying it’s best to resume- and so he now found himself pursuing studies in equine science, but with that new chapter came pages and pages of stress that he had somehow overlooked. His mind was still frail these days- he struggled with self care, and barely managed to juggle both his career, and studies, let alone taking a minute to sit back and live his life. 

He could have one thing or the other. He either rested too long and forgot to study for his exams, he either worked his fingers to the bone on an essay and forgot to eat for two days straight. He either went out with his friends, and spent the entire time worrying about all the other things he could have been doing, or he locked himself away to focus, and neglected those friendships entirely.

Every time you saw him, he was quiet and stoic. He hardly let on just how isolated he had been feeling. He leaned forward and grabbed a handful of dirt and stones from the ground, before allowing them to filter through his fingertips, settling quietly down on the ground again. The disturbed dust travelled in thick clouds, illuminated by the sunbeams above, and Jacob’s scrawny form fell from the rock and settled in the dry undergrowth below. Epona snorted and glanced curiously in the direction of her grounded companion.

“Don't you think you’re being a little over-dramatic?” She said sagely- sounding very much like that voice inside his head. He said the same thing to himself every day, Epona simply confirmed it. Jacob lay in silence and didn't dare to respond. He watched the trees above, seeing only blobs and stars of light on his blurred vision, and lots and lots of green. 

“I don’t understand. If you’re struggling and need help, why can’t you just ask for it?”  
Epona continued with a nicker, and wandered over, curious as to why Jacob wasn’t being verbal again. It sometimes seemed as though she only spoke when he wouldn’t, or couldn't and vice versa. 

“Running away won't fix your problems, Jacob. We’ve been out here for days. I know we aren’t lost, I could find the road again in a heartbeat.” Epona persisted reassuringly, Approaching closer still, her nose practically touched to her human’s forehead. A bird squawked overhead, catching Jacob off guard, blue-grey eyes opening and turning his attention there.

Silence passed between the two, a few moments of it. Epona snorted in disgust, unsure of why she deserved this cold shoulder treatment, but she said nothing further. She knew he was hurting inside, it was a hurt she didn't fully understand herself, but she figured it must have been agonizing to make him do some of the things he did. 

But then he finally replied, voice dry, a little hoarse if you will. The dehydration was visible in those chapped lips, the inside of his mouth was no longer damp, and the taste of his own tongue had become as foul as the scent of his unwashed body. “I thought coming out here would make me feel better.” He began, bony chest heaving out a tired sigh. “...I wanted to go home when I felt better.. But…” 

Epona raised her ears. “Don’t give me that. You and I both know this is another of your ‘i’m never going home’ protests.” She bickered at him. “...Just, this time you’ve roped me into it too. Why? I’ll admit, they usually only last at most, 6 or so hours…. But what’s got you so persistent this time?”

Jacob examined his pockets for a phone that wasn’t there- a rare force of habit, the only reason he ever checked his phones these days was for the time. To him it was just a glorified pocket watch. “...didn’t even realise it had been that long”

“What even is the time right now?” He continued, blinking his wet eyes shut.


	2. Outside hurt, or an inside hurt?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bambi gets a lead on Jacob's location,  
> Epona reminisces about the accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a little bit of research for this one, but it's an aspect of Jacob's character i've wanted to introduce at some point. Try not to critique my writing of Jacob's condition too much. Thanks, I appreciate it.
> 
> Also, thorough introduction of Lane and Rocco.

Being quiet has both its perks and disadvantages. However, which meaning in particular depended entirely on who you asked. Jacob would have said that it was a perk, that he struggled so much with social situations, Bambi would claim it was a disadvantage, as this left her very few options on information gathering. Nobody knew where Jacob was, and nobody had been aware of how long he had been gone.

Bambi was beginning to assume the worst. Perhaps something had happened to them whilst out on a ride, perhaps he’d just gotten himself dreadfully lost, maybe he had become trapped somewhere in some freak accident? There was no way this disappearance could have been intentional, could it? She thought they were over silly games like this. Jacob was quiet. He almost never talked about his feelings; online to his gaming friends sporadically, but otherwise he never felt inclined to open up about his struggles. They were his struggles- something he had been raised to believe was very personal and should stay as such. It was his worst nightmare to be perceived as any more of a weakling than he considered himself already.  
The air was thick with Bambi’s stress in Rocco’s living room. Lane had always been closer to Bambi than he had been, not saying he himself didn’t have his moments. Rocco leaned on the kitchen counter, mug of black coffee in hand, he nursed it with uninterested sips. Bambi hadn’t touched her green tea, and she stared daggers towards the yellow liquid and it’s obnoxious clouds of steam. The silence was getting to Rocco. He decided to speak.

“He finished work at half 5- I’ve called him, he’ll be back as soon as possible.” Rocco began. “Did you report him as a missing person yet?” He asked.

Lane was usually the smart strategic one, not saying that Rocco wasn’t smart, though he had his wits, he wasn’t always the most efficient thinker. Let’s just say you’d sooner ask Lane for help with your math homework, not because Rocco was bad at math, but because He would be the first to reply with “Wait, we had homework?”

“I have- the police, the internet, message boards, I even logged into his Discord and asked if any of his friends knew where he was--” Bambi started. 

Rocco’s face dropped a little- gritting his teeth a bit. “Oh god Bambi, you don’t just log into a guy’s discord- come on.” He replied with playful disgust- He knew the kinds of servers that guy frequented, Everything from his obscure games and fandoms to that one he kept hidden at the very bottom and told next to nobody about. 

Bambi scowled a little. “It’s just a failsafe- It’s not like I hacked him or anything! He gave me all his login details back when he had that riding accident and got himself all convinced he was gonna die- anyway. Whole lotta good that did, No leads. And any time I asked anybody in his favorite servers, they accused me of trolling and threatened to ban him!” She barked.

Rocco sat back with his face in his hands. What a mess. The two were then distracted by the sound of somebody coming in through the front door. Both Bambi and Rocco stared at the door expectantly- It could only be Lane. 

Lane had much shorter hair than Rocco. He tended to cut it himself, it was black and straight, and barely hung from his forehead. It was much tidier than that of his brother Rocco. Though they shared the same face, their aesthetics and builds were much different. Rocco worked out, but Lane was lithe. There was nothing to him. It had always been that way, growing up. Rocco and Lane were the middle children of a large family of 12 children, born to their single mother and several different fathers. 

Food had been scarce for the two of them and their ten older and younger siblings when growing up, this had affected the two of them in very different ways in adulthood. Lane was the frugal one, who scrimped and saved and worked hard to gather every penny he could; Rocco had become somewhat of a feeder. Nobody went hungry when he was around- even still, he found himself eating Lane’s leftovers. Their upbringing had left Lane with the appetite of a ladybird.

Lane worked multiple jobs, On the weekends he worked at a grocery store, during the week he was a waiter at some fancy restaurant in Jorvik city, and in some of the evenings, he cleaned offices. Jacob envied that man. How he managed to juggle all those jobs, and that wasn't even mentioning his part time teacher training courses on top, this guy had it all. And it drove him a little bit crazy sometimes. 

“I’m home- Hath anybody heard from him yet?” Where Rocco sounded like fine silk, Lane was a bit more like wool. Soft, but fuzzy. He had a bit of a lisp, that came and went as it pleased, but tended to become more prominent during times when he was anxious. Now was one of those times

Rocco and Lane’s contrast in identities mirrored that of Bambi and Jacob almost perfectly. Bambi and Lane were the ones that seemed to be making names for themselves and getting everything right, Whereas Rocco didn’t care, so long as he had his music and a roof over his head- but Jacob couldn’t help but struggle with the desire to make his parents proud of him- as proud as they were of his sister.

Bambi’s mind was doing flip as she tried to figure out how to respond- by the time she got her thoughts straight, her phone started ringing, and all the marching ants in her brain suddenly began to scurry around again aimlessly. “Ah!” Was it, could it be him? Please be him! 

Bambi threw her hands clumsily, reaching into her bra to fish her phone out of it. (Additional pockets- these dresses didnt come with them, after all) but the phone cascaded quickly to the floor before she had a chance to register what the incoming call was. Rocco and Lane could only watch as she leapt to the floor after it, and took the call on her knees between the sofa and the coffee table; in the chaos, her mug of tea had spilled over, ruining a perfectly good pile of magazines. Rocco and Lane didn’t dare say a word, though Lane pulled a face as his twin brother made an effort to deal with the spill. 

“Hello?  
Yes,  
yes. This is Bambi Baker.  
Yes? Alright.  
You have?  
Where?..  
when? ..  
Mistfall?  
Yes- that must be his.  
With the poke’ ball phone charm?  
Yeah. Okay. Thank you.  
Thanks very much- you don’t know how much this means to me”

Bambi put her phone away, Her face as pale as the full moon on a clear night. Her soul sank a little- but not so much so that all hope was lost. They now had a strong lead, the trail would begin. They were going to find her brother, she knew it.  
“Well? Who wath it?” Lane piped up quickly as Rocco dabbed at the spilled tea. Bambi stared down towards a nature magazine. 

“They’ve found his phone- The rangers in mistfall. The description- it’s almost certainly Jacob’s.” She responded sagely, her knees going weak. But still she stood. “Lane, can I borrow some jeans? There’s no way I'm riding Gloria all the way out there in this dress”

Lane stood. “Wait- Bambi, it’s getting so late, surely the Rangers have this covered- what if it isn’t safe?” He mused, standing his ground and trying to sound as though he had her best interests in mind; He knew his attempts were in vain however. His decisions were usually right, but sometimes Rocco needed to chime in and highlight the bonus option.

“Yeah sure- they probably do, but they’re gonna need all hands on deck right? Get your bike Lane. We’re going with her.” said Rocco

“We are?” Said Lane.

“You are?” Said Bambi.

“We are.” Said Lane and Rocco in unison- after nodding towards each other. Rocco grinned, but Lane looked a little but unsure as to whether or not it was a good idea. His gut leaned towards a yes- 

Jacob was their friend. Nothing was going to stop them from bringing him home.

-

The sun was setting on the horizon. The butterflies had gone to bed, and the sky was going from pink to purple. Jacob stood in a clearing, watching the sun set in the distance with Epona by his side. The distance between his feet and the cliff's edge was friendly, but anybody who may have seen him there, would have been inclined to ask him to take a step back or two. 

Epona knew him well enough to trust that he wouldn’t dare get any closer to that drastic descent. The two were far from the original trail. A physical hunger plagued Jacob from the inside out, but his isolated mind had become numb to that kind of pain. Aches, pains, and fatigue, he reacted to them differently these days. A bird flew across the horizon, and Jacobs eyes followed it as it travelled past his vision. He could see so much of Jorvik from all the way up here. It was thrilling. It instilled both a feeling of pensive melancholy and inspiration in unison. The inspiration urged him to keep living, but the melancholy kept his feet planted firmly on the ground of the mistfall wilderness. 

“I bet you’re getting hungry. It’s been two days. You’ve run out of water now too- come on, let’s head back now- I’ll let you sleep too, I can get us home, no problem. Come on Jacob, enough of this silliness. Your friends are probably so worried about you.” Epona urged. This time sounding a bit more caring. He frustration has subsided- it was only when the sun started going down for the second time since they’d been out here that she’d realised just how serious he was- or at least, just how much his head was hurting him.

Was it an outside hurt, or an inside hurt? She considered an outside hurt to be something like… like that time all those years ago. The bad fall. It caused an outside hurt to his head, that in turn, kind of caused an inside hurt too.

His memories and sense of self, all gone, like leaves in the autumn breeze.

But he had been doing so well since then. Establishing a new life for himself, rekindling parts of the old ones. Even if she wasn’t certain that he remembered that she was the horse that caused that mess in the first place.

They were both responsible, really. Neither one could be blamed, but still, they both blamed themselves. Epona blamed herself for making her bonded rider terrified of her for such a long time, and Jacob blamed himself for not wearing a helmet- or was it because he was trying too hard, or was it because … He couldn’t remember.

Epona raised her ears suddenly and gave a snort, stomping her hoof, a force of habit, but also a handy trick she’d picked up during her time with Jacob. 

“Jacob- Jacob you need to lay down. You’re going to have a-...” She started,  
but it was too late.

“Epona- ...” Jacob replied- but his vision rolled. He turned to face her, and began to approach, but immediately, his entire form went rigid and he began to fall. She made an attempt to catch him, her head hooked under his arm, but still he fell to the damp grass below. 

He was having another seizure. 

His eyes fluttered rapidly and he groaned out in pain. He trapped himself to the ground, body writhing and convulsing and struggling. He wheezed a little bit, head trembling against the ground dangerously. 

Epona cried out loudly, rearing and stomping her hooves loudly to the ground. She circled in a panicked trot, just the once, what could she do? Usually there was somebody nearby, sometimes she could go for help. What was it the humans did? Did she go, or should she stay by his side? It was probably the stress, or maybe it was his sleep deprivation, maybe it was his brain, trying to grasp memories that didn't exist.

A tired yell rose from Jacob’s throat, his back arching a tad, mouth agape, a fluid leaving the corner of his mouth, was he going to throw up this time? Epona whinnied with concern. She couldn’t leave. She had to stay and help her rider.

The loyal horse knelt her bulky form cautiously to the ground, she shielded Jacob with her body, and gently laid the weight of her head onto his chest, her tail gave swishes as her weight suppressed those convulsions- perhaps he wouldn't get as much of a headache if she did this. 

“Come on Jacob- you’re gonna be okay… you’re gonna be okay.” She soothed, sounding worried. She didn’t know for certain herself if she was helping or if this was working. If he didn’t come around soon, she would almost certainly need to go for help. 

But they were so far away from.. Anything.

Towards the trail was a darkening abyss of trees and foliage. The odd firefly dotted by with it’s taunting glow. 

Did she even remember the way back?


	3. Walking for hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission to locate Jacob begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like with the last one, I'll probably be writing an epilogue for this fic, further tying up those emotional loose ends and such. Gimme a few days though.

Gloria galloped on ahead with Bambi upon her saddle. In toe, Lane followed on his dark green mountain bike. Rocco, for whatever reason, was currently nowhere to be seen. There was no second bike in toe behind Lane, but neither he nor their equine mounted friend seemed fussed with his absence. Rocco didn't ride. He didn’t ride horses, nor did he ride bikes. He much preferred to sit and watch the world go by.

That’s why he was taking an Uber and meeting them at the base of the mountain.

Bambi was wearing the scuffy bluejeans she had borrowed from Lane, even though they were a masculine cut, they were a tad snug, but this is perhaps because the length of her dress was tucked haphazardly under the waistband, the dress now looking more like a sort of poorly fitting tank top. Tonight wasn’t about looking good, this fact was confirmed by how her hair had been tied back in the messiest ponytail to ever exist, some strands lay abandoned here and there where she had tied it in such a hurry to get to the stable- from some angles it looked as though there was less hair in the hair tie than there was flowing in the breeze around her head.. 

The sun was gone. The sky was now a dark blue on the cusp of becoming jet black. The light of the moon, stars and fireflies were the only lights that remained, Rocco had located a flashlight before he called the uber, Bambi had one on her smartphone, and Lane had been eagerly anticipating an excuse to test out the new headlight on his bike. 

Additionally, Lane had filled his backpack with a couple dozen essentials that he figured might come in handy at some point- things like bottled water, medicine and a few components of a first-aid-kit. He didn’t have an actual first-aid-kit on hand, so he had made a mental note to consider getting one in the future, but for now, anti bacterial spray, tweezers and plasters would do just fine. Lane always seemed to be prepared, and prided himself in being able to help those in need. 

Rocco had also brought a backpack. His contained snacks.

Mistfall was eerily quiet, even for this time of year. An especially unforgiving sea of green darkness with only a handful of critters swimming amongst the tide of foliage. Rocco was already at the ranger station, he seemed to be pacing back and forth. The quiet atmosphere of the ranger station signified one thing, the search party had left already. Bambi found this to be reassuring for a couple different reasons- the main one being that there would be nobody of higher authority to talk her out of getting her hands dirty or put herself at any kind of risk. 

She and Glory had been through far worse things than this anyway, not that the same could be said for her friends Rocco and Lane. Bambi liked to think that they were competent enough to not get lost or hurt out here, but for good measure, they’d already decided to opt for sticking together instead of splitting up like in every horror movie ever where the characters get picked off one by one whilst adventuring in the woods at night for whatever reason.

Rocco waggled his flashlight in the direction of the approaching white horse and the cyclist he had been known to refer to as his younger twin brother. Glory didn’t take kindly to those flashing lights up ahead, his body growing tense. Bambi detected that immediately.  
“Calm down Glory- it’s only Rocco being an idiot.” She affectionately teased, giving her steed a rub on the neck. Lane flicked his lights back at Rocco, and he descended down the hill to join his friends again.

“So we decided to stick together.” Bambi started

“Totally going by the advice of every bad horror movie ever” Said Lane

Rocco ran a hand through his hair. He hadn't had the chance to gel it, and it was annoying him a little bit. “Ah yeah- the one where Lane would totally get murdered first, then me, and Bambi gets caught last because she’s the reason all the fuckboys haven’t left the cinema yet.” Rocco responded with a playful chortle. Everyone laughed.

Their spirits were suspiciously high-- but for the reason that they simply had no idea just how much their friend had been suffering before he disappeared. Even saying that, Bambi was still riddled with worry, and it wasn't long before she furrowed her brows again. “Okay- Enough sexist nonsense. We better get going.” Bambi commanded, pointing out towards a trail.

“His phone was found around two miles down the Laridae trail” Bambi began, glancing past all the trails she herself was familiar with. Leisure riding wasn’t something she had the time for anymore these days, around ballet, competitions, training and caring for Gloria, so a thorough exploration of Mistfall still evaded her repertoire. Lane and Rocco were city boys. So she didn’t expect either of them to have any idea of what to expect up there. 

“I must admit- I’ve not gone this way before-” She said, worrying just a little bit, a knuckle to her lip as she became filled with a feeling akin to dread. But it left her when Rocco piped up again. 

“I’ve been up here with Jacob loads of times.” He announced, hands on his hips as he illuminated the red arrows on the signpost that indicated the beginning of a difficult hike. Lane and Bambi looked at him with a very similar look of disbelief, brows raised.

“Yeah- he really likes the view up there. He once gave me all that cliche guff about how the view really makes him feel alive. Somethin’ about the way the sky meets the earth, being surrounded by trees and shit, being invigorated by nature and being able to ‘escape’ from the real world.” Rocco responded sarcastically, even going as far as to make air quotes- but bit his tongue when he saw that look on Bambi’s face. Lane bit his lip a little bit. Jacob’s sister started to scowl at their friend. 

“Just sounds like he likes the outdoors to me. He’s a person Rocco.” she spoke at him. Rocco frowned. He didn’t like to go out of his way to be insensitive, but everybody made mistakes from time to time. Rocco tended to be a little emotionally clumsy sometimes.

“Yeah- uh. Well. I mean…” Rocco flushed awkwardly, and then started walking backwards up the trail, a hand running anxiously through his hair. Lane kicked off with his bike and started pedaling up the hill. He wished he’d eaten more carbs today. “Come on, you big idiot.” Lane teased playfully. Bambi and Glory had already cantered on ahead. Rocco took a big inhale, Jogging awkwardly behind his brother. He was not wearing the right shoes for a hike. 

Rocco was plagued by a feeling of guilt from that point onwards, a kind of sickening weight, and yet, it kind of urged him to keep up with the others. He could see their lights up ahead, and he supposed the way in which they were kind of spread out meant that some had the potential to catch things others may have missed. He was pretty slow. Maybe he should have invested in riding lessons like Jacob had suggested. That one hike before had been quite pleasant, just the three of them, Jacob, Epona and himself. Rocco really liked spending time with Jacob, and Jacob tolerated Rocco’s weird attitude enough to want to hang out with him again and again. Nothing could get between Jacob and Rocco, simply because Jacob liked Rocco’s homemade cookies too much. 

That was what he told people anyway. There surely was more reasons as to why Jacob and Rocco spent so much time together these days.

The three of them had been trudging up the trail for almost half an hour. Rocco’s shirt clung to him uncomfortably, and his hair clung awfully to his sweaty forehead. His chest was tight, and he took labored breaths, wheezing tiredly. The group had already made a couple 5-minute pity stops for their friend. But Bambi was becoming more and more desperate to find her brother. It was nearly midnight, and they had yet to even cross paths with a ranger. They must have been much further up the trail.

“How much further is it? We’ve been travelling for HOURS- I need to stop again.” Rocco wheezed.

“It’s barely been 30 minutes Rocco..” Bambi sighed. 

“What if we go on ahead and you head back to the bottom?” Lane suggested.

Rocco was willing to accept anything right now. He wasn’t that observant anyway- He was certain he wasn’t of any use to the search party if he was about to keel over from exhaustion. But giving up on a friend just simply wasn’t in his nature. Especially to a friend like Jacob. No. He wasn’t going to stop until Jacob was found.

“....No, no. you guys go on ahead. I’ll catch up when I can.” Rocco panted again- sitting himself down upon a fallen tree that laid at the side of the path. 

“Alright. Don’t get murdered- text Lane if you find anything. My phone’s dead now.” Bambi replied with a slow nod. Of all the things she expected him to say, that probably wasn’t one of them. Lane felt similar, giving him the same look. “Stay safe bro.” He called back, and the two continued along the trail-- their pace seeming to have doubled now that the straggler had let go.

Rocco sat and pouted in secrecy for just a moment. He really did need to cut down on all the sugar, he thought to himself as he went through his backpack to fetch a large packet of chocolate buttons. He put a couple handfuls on his tongue, eyes rolling back as those sugar stimulated endorphins took his senses and assaulted them with good feelings. He could quit any time he wanted. 

-

Epona had thought she heard somebody- a few times now. But she had been mistaken. Only a bird, or a mistfox, and at one point a curious wolf had taken note of the situation. An easy meal? Epona made sure that the wolf was not going to come back anytime soon. Jacob had fallen still again, but still gave shakes every so often- more like shivers. He had grown overcome with an excess of fatigue and a desire to sleep, the suspicious feeling of warmth, though untrustworthy, was a feeling his aching muscles unwillingly welcomed. 

“Come on Baker… Get up.. You can’t fall asleep out here..” Epona begged, nosing at his form with her muzzle. She’s managed to roll Jacob into somewhat of a recovery position, considering she didn't think airways obstructed by his own vomit would have done him much good. What a gross function. Humans were so flawed, Epona thought to herself.

“M-m...tired…” Jacob mumbled weakly. Epona’s ears stuck up immediately, and she was filed with a mild sense of joy. He spoke- so that must have implied that he was better off than if he hadn’t said anything at all, right? Epona jumped up again, neighing and trotting around excitedly- being mindful not to kick Jacob in the face or step on him. In her excitement- the sight of something caught her eye. What was that? 

Were those… lights?

Moving lights- 

People!

Epona galloped full speed through the foliage, clumsy hooves going as fast as they could in movements that seemed barely rehearsed. She didn’t clip a single tree- though the same couldn’t be said for those poor bushes. Epona followed the light, Neighing and kicking up as much fuss as she could without accidentally calling out with actual words. 

But if she could have risked speaking, she would have been calling out something along the lines of “Help! Help! Please help my rider! He’s become very unwell!” 

Epona leapt gracefully out of the foliage and landed in the middle of the trail- She neighed and reared, slamming her hooves down in front of the source of the lights. There Rocco sat, flailing his flashlight- except at this point he had frozen solid.

“What’s a horse doing out here by itself?” Rocco muttered, dumbstruck for just a second. Then it clicked. 

“Oh my god it’s Epona” He announced- Leaping to his feet to soothe her in the way he’d seen Jacob do multiple times. “Easy- easy girl. I’ve got you now; where’s Jacob at? Do you know where he is Epona?” Rocco asked in a panic, holding her by the reigns and petting at her filthy mane. It was full of twigs and leaves and could desperately do with a grooming; now wasn’t the time for that though. Epona chuffed at Rocco. 

“Is that a yes?” He asked, but before he could finish, she was pretty much dragging Rocco back the way he came. 

Rocco just about managed to call Lane after 3 or 4 attempts. Bambi bubbled with emotion the very second she heard that phone ringing, and before Lane had a chance to end the call, she had sped back down the trail ahead of her friend. The feeling that hit Rocco was as mixed as any feeling could be. He’s found Jacob- but this perhaps wasn’t how he ever wanted to see his friend. This wasn’t how he had hoped to find Jacob- his first thought was the worst one, when he remembered that nobody had heard from him in a week. 

Rocco dropped Epona’s reigns and grasped at his own face in a clumsy panic.  
“Oh god. Oh no. Oh fuck. Jacob!” Rocco started

“You’re alright, you’re okay. Everything’s going to be okay dude!” He wheezed again, knees turning to jelly- wrists doing the same. Epona stomped around anxiously, urging Rocco to do something. ‘Why is he just standing there- do something!’

Rocco lulled in and out of states of awareness. Time was either moving rapidly, or it was at a standstill. When he moved, he moved fast, but when he landed on his knees at Jacob’s side- kneeling on a puddle of something gross, but he didn't bat an eyelid, and everything around him seemed to freeze. The colour from the world around them faded as he illuminated Jacob’s form with his flashlight. This was definitely Jacob.

He started with gentle pats on his friend’s cheek, and Jacob immediately began to cough and spit.

Rocco fell slack. The colour began to return to his surroundings. 

“It’s okay bud. I’ve got you. I’m here now.” Rocco whimpered lovingly. His own self drained from that burst of adrenaline, tears poured from his green eyes, and his nose mimicked a similar performance. Rocco had no idea about what could have happened to Jacob. Nobody even knew why or how long he had been out here either. 

A Jorvik ranger found the two of them first, and soon after, Lane and Bambi arrived. 

Some hours later, Rocco found himself in a hospital bathroom, awkwardly dabbing as whatever that was on his bluejeans. Some foul combination of mud and what he hoped was just some dead insects or something. Either way, He, Bambi, and Lane were totally feeling out of place, being so filthy and reeking of horses and the outdoors, in the middle of a pristine hospital. He returned to the room where Jacob was recovering. Lane was sitting outside in the hallway due to the fact only two visitors were allowed in the room at the same time, He was looking at a nature magazine. The same one that had been ruined by Bambi’s spilled tea before this whole mess even started. Rocco knew for a fact it was likely that this magazine was going to find itself back at their apartment. Yes, Lane would totally steal a magazine from a hospital waiting room.

Rocco saw Bambi first, curled up, sleeping and snoring loudly in an armchair beside the pristine white sheets that kept Jacob covered. His face almost blended in with its surroundings. He looked so pale. It hurt Rocco to see him like that. He wandered over slowly. In terms of health, he was going to be okay. The doctor had confirmed that, but they wanted to keep him in overnight to be sure of some things. One of their more major concerns was just how malnourished he had become. 

His cheeks were more concave than he remembered, and he just couldn’t help but notice how dark the skin under his eyes was right now. Rocco sat himself down slowly, hanging his head and staring at his bony, scarred fingers. They were discoloured, his nails were broken and dirtied, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary. Jacob’s fingernails tugged at the bed sheets. Rocco looked up to see Jacob roll onto his side to face. Rocco smiled a little. He couldn’t help but notice just how similarly Bambi and Jacob looked- despite the fact they were not identical twins like him and Lane. 

He also couldn’t help but notice that they had the same exact look on their faces as they both slept.

Rocco reached out slowly, covering Jacob’s cold hand with the warmth of his own. Rocco’s hands were larger, and the skin on his palms had always been softer, even before Jacob started working with horses when they were both kids. He always loved hearing about what he got up to our in moorland, whilst he and Lane were stuck at home with their 10 siblings. It was a chaotic upbringing, but he wouldn’t have traded it for anything, if it meant he and Lane would have had to spend their childhoods without Bambi and Jacob. 

“If you didn’t wanna go to midsummer with Bambi, why didn’t you just tell her~” He teased sarcastically. Bambi stirred, Rocco became filled with dread, but it subsided when he realised she wasn’t waking up. However, when he looked down, he was met with the blue-grey stare of Jacob’s eyes. 

“Whas’ going on…” He commented tiredly, staring at the colourful shapes through a blurred vision. “...everything hurts.” Jacob wasted very little time in beginning to complain. Rocco grinned again. 

“You successfully scared the ever-loving shit out of all of us, that’s what’s going on.” Rocco responded excitedly. He leaned forward, squeezing Jacob’s hand firmly. This time, Bambi did wake up, and she wasted very little time in practically leaping into the bed with her twin brother. “You’re awake! You big dumb idiot! What the fuck were you thinking!” She cried out, her tone blissful and violently loving. Even Lane poked his head in through the door, but being the smart one, didn’t dare step over the threshold. Rules were rules.

Oh fuck it, he hadn’t seen a nurse or doctor walk by in a while. He walked in too and perched himself at the foot of Jacob’s bed.

The room erupted with friendly conversation made with voices and words that cared- Jacob’s tired mind taking its sweet time to come to an understanding about what was going on or where he was. He was delirious from the seizure, but also physically recovering from an excess of fatigue. Although he was very confused, the one thing that remained crystal clear to him, was just how happy these guys were, simply from seeing him wake up.


End file.
